Saturday

In silence our minds wander. In silence we question what we stand for and in silence we wonder if He is really there. 

Silence is a powerful tool, one that we don't see coming. All is well when we hear His voice and see Him moving, but the moment He is silent, we lose our confidence. Why is that?

Easter weekend is by far my favorite weekend of the year. I love this weekend because I love that the church is united for three days on reflecting on the goodness of God. I love what we celebrate this weekend! I love celebrating the resurrection more than anything! This week, as for many, has led me to reflect on many things. I have found though, that I keep returning to the concept of silence, and I want to share my thoughts with you. 

The past three months have been quite interesting for me. I have felt distant from God these past few months and I could not seem to do anything to fix it. I am currently taking a class called "Spiritual Formation". This class is all about spiritual disciplines and developing and maintaining a healthy spiritual life as we enter full time ministry. We have been studying saints and many people wiser than us, who came before us in the faith and paved a way for us to worship the way we do now. We are studying these people's spiritual lives and the teachings they left behind to encourage believers, and more specifically ministers, on how to have deep and fruitful intimacy with God to effectively do what He has called us to do. 

As I mentioned earlier, God has been silent with me lately. It felt like there was a wall in between us and I did not know how to kick it down. I started applying some of the things I was learning in my class trying to see if they would really work. I faithfully woke up at 5 every morning and would pray and worship for 2 hours before starting my day, but to my surprise, I still got silence in return. 

God spoke to me, but not in the moments of me trying so hard. He would speak to me as I walked to the bathroom or as I stood in the shower, not when I was in my "prayer corner". 

I recently visited Bethel Church in Redding, California, and I can truly say I encountered God there. There is so much I want to share with you all about that trip and I will definitely write more about it later. Coming from a "season of silence" I was desperate to hear from God. I came in with 2 prayers, "Lord, I want to be healed from my concussion and I want to see your face". The very first night we were there we went to the Friday night worship service. I went up for prayer after and a man on the prayer team came up to me. He told me that during worship he saw the Spirit of God fall on me and he knew he needed to pray with me. (How cool is that?!) He said "I had to push through a crowd to get to you and in the same way the Father is pushing things out of His way to get to you. He is fiercely pursuing you."

That was the very first word I received at Bethel that weekend and everything that happened that weekend stemmed from that word- that God is fiercely pursuing me. Those words broke the silence. I hadn't felt that those words were true and I hadn't felt that He was pursuing me: they were the exact opposite of what I had been feeling.  

Last week I attended a chapel on campus where some of my Bible professors were on a panel answering questions the students had. One professor spoke on God's silence. He reflected on that Saturday of Easter weekend, the day we over look completely. He put us in the disciples shoes as we sat imagining that day from their perspective. They had just dedicated 3 years of their lives and given up everything they had to follow a man that they believed was the Messiah. Now on that quiet Saturday, they sat, probably confused and ashamed of the time they had just wasted. They had no clue what was really going on. Of course we know now that Sunday came and Jesus resurrected and conquered death and sin (hallelujah!!), but on that Saturday those disciples had no idea. 

My professor just briefly mentioned that Saturday but it struck a chord with me and my mind continued racing. Those disciples really had no idea what Jesus was doing for them while He was in the grave.

Ephesians 4:7-10 says, "But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift. Therefore it says, “When he ascended on high he led a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.” (In saying, “He ascended,” what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower regions, the earth? He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.)"

Hebrews 2:14+15 says, "Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."

1 Peter 3:18-20 says, "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God's patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought safely through water."

and some of my favorite verses in the Bible... John 20:17+18 says, "Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’ Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her." 

Jesus was doing so much while He was silent on that day. He was descending into the pit of Hell, conquering the devil and all the powers keeping us from God, He was paying their debts and ours, taking our punishment, and then ascending to the Father in victory! (Amen!!) He was silent, but He was fighting on their behalf! He was doing everything He came to earth to do and the disciples had no clue. This is so profoundly beautiful! 

This reminded me of that beautiful word that man prophesied over me at Bethel, "the Father is pushing things out of His way to get to you. He is fiercely pursuing you." God was working on my behalf even though all I heard was silence. 

I don't know exactly why God is silent at times yet incredibly loud at others. I have no profound doctrine to teach you at the moment, but maybe I will some day. I still have a lot to learn. But for now, I am comforted and content in knowing that even when I might not hear God loudly, I know He is working on my behalf in ways I cannot see. He is doing profound things on my behalf. His heart never changes- I know that He is for me. 

So I guess all I have to say is stay strong in the silence. Know that there is so much going on that you cannot see, and know that God is fighting for you. You may not be able to hear Him at the moment, but just wait for the moment when He reveals Himself to you. It will be profound, it will be deep, and it will be beautiful.